Hurt
by Wakkamoley
Summary: OneshotWritten from Ashe's P.O.V. This fic is dedicated to my friend Tammy over the loss of her father, and it is inspired by Christina Aguilera's song Hurt.


**A/N:** This fic is dedicated to a good friend of mine who had lost her father due to his lung disease. The telephone call I received from her really broke my heart, as she was bawling on the other side, and mourned over the death of her father. I dedicate this fic to you, Tammy, and I am truly sorry for the loss of your father.

This was also inspired by the song "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera. I had seen the video to it and thought it would fit perfectly for this. Also this will be written from Ashe's P.O.V.

**Hurt**

Author: Wakamoley

Seemed like it was yesterday that I had received the breaking news of my father's death. It was the moment that Vossler walked straight into my room while I was combing my hair.

"Majesty, I am truly sorry…" he began, as his face lowered to the ground. His expression was filled with regrets and sadness. "But…his majesty King Raminas had passed away."

It was then that I dropped my comb and I knew my heart had shattered.

I just stood there and stared at Vossler's face, my mouth dropped from the shocking truth. My eyes widened and I was unable to utter any words.

I had lost my husband not long before that night, and I was enshrouded with the feeling of angst and hurt, and my heart had also been broken that night. However, the night my father passed was even more of an unbearable pain for me.

My father had been so loving to me ever since I could remember. He had taught me many things, and even took the time from his busy ruling to play with me when I was alone. He taught me how to talk, he took care of me, and mostly, he loved me more than anything in the world.

Was it because of the fact that I'm the only daughter out of his nine children? I did not know. I only cared for the fact that he cared for me with all of his heart. He wasn't like of the many kings I know, who would be so busy from their role as the ruler of their kingdom and not have time for their kin.

o-0-O-0-o

I clearly remember my wedding day, where I was in the elaborate white dress he had paid a lot of money for. He paid the other kingdoms, around the whole world, just for the most comforting and beautiful materials money could buy, all of it just for me.

It was clear that my father only wanted the best for his child, which I was given the honor of.

That same day, while I was in the bride's dressing room, he came and knocked the door. As I allowed him in, he gasped at how beautiful I looked, and how much I looked like my mother. I was thanking him for his kind words, and at the same time I was grateful for his presence. His eyes filled with happiness and pride, and the wrinkles on his forehead seemed to melt away along with it.

He told me that I was the only daughter he had, and now I would be wedded, and I would move away from him, from my beloved father. He began to weep at the thought, and I'd never thought that my father, who had always been so tough in life and never cried over anything, could cry over this. I then hugged him tightly, and tears came out from my eyes, I never knew things could get so emotional on a wedding day, at least never on my wedding day. I was wrong.

The tears were both of joy and of sadness at the same time. I tried to swallow in my feelings, but I just couldn't, and I didn't care that my makeup were smearing under my tears.

He told me how proud he was, how his daughter had grown up to be such an elegant young woman, and once again, how beautiful I was.

I kissed him on his left cheek and told him to get ready for the parade which was about to start. I would stand on the float with Rasler, as father would sit on his throne, waiting inside the cathedral.

o-O-0-O-o

If only I knew what I know today, I would have held him in my arms. I would have taken the pain in the past away. Thank him for all he'd done, and forgive all of his mistakes, which I wasn't so sure he had made so much of. To me he had always been the perfect father figure.

There's nothing I wouldn't do just to hear his kind voice, his kind, encouraging words again. Sometimes I even thought of calling him, but I just knew he won't be there.

I remember that when I was just starting my teenage years, I had always been hanging out with my friends from outside the palace. I know them from sneaking off without the guards noticing, and play with the children on the streets of Rabanastre. None of them knew who I was, so I felt secured and let myself get loose with the games they would play, the food they would eat, and the tricks they would do.

I had so much fun in those years, until one day I was caught by a guard who recognized me as the royal princess. He took me to my father and told him of what I had done when the guards hadn't been careful enough to watch over me.

Before my father even spoke, I just bursted out a lot of excuses to cover up what I had done. I even blamed him for not letting me have fun, not letting me out in the world with other children my age. But the truth was far from that. I had been given everything I wanted from my father, and he never denied me. However, the only thing I couldn't get was to leave the palace. I thought he didn't want me to experience the joy of freedom, but I was wrong.

It was because he did not want me to get hurt, as Rabanastre wasn't a safe place to be in alone, and especially because I'm a girl. He only wanted me to be safe from the perils of the alleyway between the tall buildings, and safe from the grabby hands of thieves in the Bazaar. I never knew those things, and he told the guards that from then on I could leave the palace whenever I please, just to make sure I would have a royal guard with me.

I didn't want my identity to be revealed to my street friends, so he also ordered the guards to keep a distant between me and them, so I could enjoy my time without other children feeling awkward with a soldier at their presence. I jumped on my father's laps as he said those words, and I wrapped my arms tightly around him, and feeling grateful to him for always giving me what I wanted.

o-0-O-0-o

I wanted to say sorry for blaming him for everything I couldn't do. Many times in the past I have made mistakes and blamed my father for it. He didn't bother to scold me, because he loved me more than anything in the world.

I hurted him then, and it hurts me now when I think back on it.

Some days I feel broke inside, but I just won't admit. Sometimes I just want to hide, to cry my pain away, because it's him I miss.

Would he tell me I was wrong? Would he help me understand my mistakes? Is he looking down upon me? Is he proud of who I am?

The answers to those questions were not for me to answer, but for me to seek.

There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance. To look into his loving eyes, and see him looking back.

If I had just one more chance, I would tell him how much that I miss him ever since he'd been away.

But I know, it is too late, and too dangerous, to turn back the waves of time.


End file.
